umlungu

 
dear silence and quiet
i hereby request your protection
i do not want to hear ms. big mouth utter (me)
i hardly want to hear you breathe,

Your talking,
incessant jabbering,
speaking out, or whatever you call it,
the public processing of my vulnerabilities
my shortcomings,
a viewing of the chains that bind me to this her-history
orally,
in decibels louder,
and decibels more annoying than the next person,
yes vocally, on the worlds stage
your big mouth is trumpeting loudly
the music stripping me naked,
Eve looking for a leaf
to cover my shame,

guilty as charged 
my herstory
exhibited before the masses
clothed in the past
clothed in my pale skin
my blemished, yes we all know whites age so much quicker, privileged skin
that i didn't ask for,
but did i complain about either?
Did I stand up to be counted, did I unlock the chain of apathy?
I wish I was perfect but instead i want to be alone
i want to hide from reality
too black to be white
too white to be black
who are my people really?
fallen between the cracks of here and there
i can't represent the majority
i don't represent the minority
to forgive the transgressions of the past
without hating myself
how to move on,
without forgetting history
is it possible to be proud of who i am
instead of ashamed of what i am 

2004